Okay, here comes the awkward part.
Back when I wrote this topic, I wasn't even thinking about leaving TeaM/Argonath. And then I got ingame and it hit me again. Argonath, as I see it now, isn't a place where I could stay as a regular, peaceful player. From times to times I've wanted to flame everyone ingame, but something always stopped me. What was it? GUILT. Each and every time I did something against rules in my head, I thought : "Damn, I can't do this, I don't want to bring TeaM down". If I get warned or say something I don't see it as myself doing it, but as bringing down the whole clan. And guess what, I really don't like this feeling of being the black painter.
After my experience ingame today I also noticed
this topic on Argonath forum. It made me think about at which phase am I right now. Yeah, I had gotten through it all during my time in Argonath and now I came to realise, that this "making friends" thing doesn't really work as much as I would wish. During last months I've been inactive and experiencing worth of a real life friendships. And damn, my real friends are the best! Sure, it is fun from times to times to just hang around, laughing about random stuff ingame, but it will never be the same as it is in real.
I also came to realise that soon enough Argonath will not be a single part of my life. It's this summer, and then I have to move on with everything - school, friends, work, family, life. So I will spend my most-likely-last days on Argonath doing things I like and which I'm free to do without disappointing anyone.
Well, the ugly truth is that it seems like I'm not ever seeing any of Argonath players in real life. As truthful as the promises seem, nothing and noone on internet may replace experience you get out of this little box you call computer. So I will spend this time living as I will never see anyone again, which most likely is the ugly truth.
I'm sorry for disappointing you guys. My time in TeaM was the best part of all this fun part of my life called "I wish I could stop playing SAMP". You've been great to hang with and I can't imagine myself right now without all the things you've taught me as a person. I will never forget this time I had around you all. Well, especially MTAVC part of this. You may still find me on skype or something if I haven't gone completely insane.
Love,
Barbara.